All sorts of moving around.

I have moved homes (house to apartment, constant chum to associate) and also blog hosting sites. So long, blogger! Please meet me at wordpress, www.burgerphone.wordpress.com.

Fancy Feast Battle Cat

Do you ever just stare at your cat and think "what is wrong with me that at some point I thought that having a TINY ANIMAL roam my personal space would be a good idea?"

I saw a Fancy Feast commercial that had a smugfaced ahole cat looking entitled while the voice over says something about doing something good for your cat to show him/her/IT how you feel. I threw the guitar I was strumming at the television set and kicked over a chair. THAT'S how I feel about the glass-breaking, whiny, box-spring-ruining fur bombs.

Cats are tiny demons sent from hell to annoy you and to possibly suck the breath from you while you sleep. My cat and my new stepcat are currently displaying zombie-like qualities -- the 28 Days Later zombie. Stupid and fast. I think we all hate our cats. That's why Target carries the "I Hate Cats" selection of ties and hats and handbags. And that's why we buy them. Your cat doesn't want to wear a rooster cap or a fake mustache. Your cat just wants to pee in a box you left on the floor and then poke its head in the cake batter you're making. There is no reason to have a cat. Cats are not investments.

Alpacas are.

I urge you to request the informational package for "Freedom Alpacas," in which I have recently purchased a small share. I don't know what alpacas do or what they are, all I know is that we don't eat them yet and the woman pictured on the pamphlet seems to enjoy what she's doing. She's wearing a bandanna and pets an alpaca (it's like a llama?) and she's smiling. SOLD.

Bring me back something French.

Things are painfully slow at work so I've been able to catch up on the "Internet," which has been both exciting and boring. I've read everyone's blogs. Twice (okay, three times). I especially like blogs of people I don't like, for reasons unknown to me. Also read about tipping your doorman on nytimes.com, I've donated rice for correct vocabulary (freerice.com), read up on Richmond (rvanews.com), kept up on dinosaur comics for my associate (qwantz.com). I've been so bored that I've read CNN's site. Phew, right? Internet!

Worst Web Site of the Forever goes to inrich.com, the Richmond Times-Dispatch portal. Who does pop up ads anymore? Give me a break.

No links provided so you can hunt and gather your own slighly useful information.

Here's an MS Paint sketch of cats and pizza.

Burgerphone calling

The original intent of the Burgerphone blog when I began writing it in 1984 was to review delicious cheese burgers. I've done that a few times and only pledge allegiance to two burgers in Richmond, those being served at 821 Cafe and Fourth Street Diner. I've been so busy being awesome and not blogging on the daily that I have neglected to mention my new favorite cheese burger, which can be found at Dot's Back Inn.

Dot's Back Inn has been around for one million Richmond years and I only discovered it last year when we moved to Northside. They have usual diner fare (decent vegetarian selection), but the burgers are extra tasty. Is it the wheat bun? The homemade chips on the side? The genuine feel of the old timey decorations? I don't know. I'm just there to eat.

Dots now gets extra thumbs up because I just tried the breakfast sandwich -- bacon, egg, cheese on a biscuit. It's not as mindblowing as the one from the Nook in Charlottesville, however I've said my goodbyes to that sandwich and am delighted that I've found an alternative. My associate and I ate there on Saturday morning. Sandwich, side, and coffee was about $5. I love only spending $5! I was so excited that I didn't tip just to save more money!!!! (that's not true). Be careful, though, they don't designate smoking sections but serve a lot of smokers.

Dot's is on MacArthur Ave on Northside, on the same adorable block as Carytown Books, Stir Crazy coffee, Zorba's Pizza, that Samis Grotto place, and Sam's bakery (I think that's what it's called) and other places that remind me that Northside isn't all check cashing places and terrible Food Lions.

Also, I am not sending out Christmas cards this year, so enjoy this. Please note the way they expertly worked around the "Jordan and Jon, yeah, come on!" since Jon isn't there.

My new favorite holiday song

The Muppets' version of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." I enjoy all figgy pudding-related confrontations (they won't go until they get some!), but this has extra holiday spice provided by puppets.

The Source Awards

Notes from Genius Time:

My professor told the class that we were terrible because instead of looking through bound journals and touching the spines of books and whatnot that we downloaded information from the same journals from the library Web site. I could argue that since I'm a graduate student at a commuter school that runs like a business with no customer satisfaction guidelines that I am not looking for the sort of education that would stuff me in a library for hours. It's not that kind of library, anyway. It's full of kids on cell phones checking their Myspace. It proudly serves Starbucks!

However, this is the last semester that I have to worry about things like this, and since I have rarely used the library despite my nearly 7 years at that school, I thought I would at least give it the old college try. I had the day off today and went to library to do some research on a few papers I have to write. If you remember from previous adventures, going to the library ends in me just checking out comic books.

I was determined, though underprepared, to get something from my visit. With a list of possible journals to rub my hands all over per my professor's instructions I went to the periodical stacks, only to find it about 5% filled with journals. Nothing on postcolonial literature, but we do get Source magazine.

Back issues, if available, are probably placed somewhere else. After an hour looking at real books and doing some reading I decided to quit and come back when I have a grocery list of journal articles to find. It's hard to even use the library without the computer to help you find anything.

Despite my laziness and complaining, I am not trying to be the worst student ever. I think we covered that I am not a scholar during my K-12 and then undergraduate careers (please refer to my zines, "Don't Forget to Floss," "Screw This Crap I've Had It," and "The KG Guide to Undergraduate Survival: Take Me to BW3!!!"*) but my thoughts and prayers are with me while I try to pull this semester together and get out with satisfactory grades and papers. In the meantime, it's Clementine Season. My hands are permanently stained with orange juice. So I would get the journals sticky anyway.

In another meantime, I will be spending less time in Charlottesville since my associate is coming back to Richmond. So long, hippies. So long, amazing breakfast sandwich at the Nook. So long, that CVS on the Downtown Mall with the rats in the basement.

*None of those existed. You would have figured that out through an online search the same as if you had gone to the Zine Library and touched the stapled spines of all its contents.

Barney

If someone told ten-year-old me that the fat-headed kid who played Doogie Howser would be an endless delight on a TV show I watched in my late twenties, I would have said, "What? Really? Am I still married to Donnie Wahlberg?"